She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
