im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she pinky promised me she was 18
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
