Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
