Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
