Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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