loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
