No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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