even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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