So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
