So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
