Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
