Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
