dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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