she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
