Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
