thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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