apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
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