my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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