wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
