1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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