the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
