Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
