Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
