Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Boobs are out for the taking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
