Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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