this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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