OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
