Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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