rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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