suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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