FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
home. puking in laundry basket.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
