once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
