And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
