Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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