shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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