Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
