Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
