I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
