I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
