I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
