I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
