Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
