and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
