can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
