My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
