fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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