On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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