OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
