I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
