I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
