i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
