I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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