I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
