my sisters under your porch take her home
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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