ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
