Only a mothe r could love this liver
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
