Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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