we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
