ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
