I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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