In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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