know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
