The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
