It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
