so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize